A Deeper Way
by fowl68
Summary: For thirteen years, Lloyd only ever knew his mother as a name on a tombstone. Post-Game.


**Disclaimer:  
** I don't own anything!

A **uthor's Note:** Watched Rogue One last night, and I am Not Okay. Such a good movie, but just-lots of pain.

I was given the illustrated versions of Harry Potter for my birthday, and as I was rereading the part with the Mirror of Erised, this sort of started coming into being.

* * *

 _Walking, I am listening to a deeper way. Suddenly, all my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands.  
-Linda Hogan  
_

* * *

Lloyd heaved the last of the boxes down from the carriage, rolling his sore shoulders. When Pietro had asked him for help in moving things into the newest buildings that had been built in Luin, Lloyd hadn't thought that there would be so many things to move.

"What's in all these?" he asked.

"Oh, jeez, loads of things. Grammy Tanya's been around for, well, ever." Pietro raked his hair out of his face. "She's got pictures and papers and records. We've designated her the unofficial record-keeper," Pietro laughed.

"She's alive?"

"Yes, I'm alive, boyo." Lloyd jumped at the voice, turning to see a woman, shoulders slightly hunched, and white hair tucked into a messy bun. "Takes more than what the Desians can dish out to kill me."

Despite the heavy lines in the weathered brown skin, and the cane she walked with, there was a ferocity in pale green eyes. Looking at her, it was hard to doubt her words. "Uh, sorry. I'm—"

"I know who you are, Lloyd Irving. Got a great big statue of you in the town square, don't they?" Grammy Tanya looked out at the boxes. "Do you two have time to help an old woman unpack?"

"Of course," Pietro and Lloyd said hurriedly, glancing at each other.

It took much of the day. Lloyd could see what Pietro meant; there were boxes and boxes of photos—recent and clean, others faded and creased—and papers in files. Even children's drawings tucked with—Lloyd squinted at the writing—graduation diplomas from the school. Books of stories and textbooks shared boxes, but not shelves.

Lloyd wondered if there was someone like Grammy Tanya in Iselia that he didn't realize had things like this. Class pictures, field trips, baby and wedding announcements.

It was later in the day, after they'd broken for lunch, that Lloyd was absently flicking through pictures when he caught sight of something and flipped back a few pictures.

Some summer day, out on the lake, and there's three children arm in arm, two girls and a boy. The girl in the center had a wild grin that's missing a tooth, her brown hair disheveled and damp. The other girl looked a bit like her, but her hair was curlier, a bit darker in color. The boy had dark hair, and chubby, dimpled cheeks. All three were in wet underthings, and from the sunburn starting to appear on the younger girl's cheeks, they'd been swimming.

It was the words written in the white space beneath the photo that made Lloyd pause. _Pietro + Irving sisters. 11yrs and 9yrs._

Irving sisters.

Hadn't Kratos mentioned once that his mom was from Luin? Lloyd took his locket out from under his shirt, clicking it open.

It's difficult to see when the photo was so small, but Lloyd thought he could see a bit of that same wild grin on the woman in the locket.

"What'd you find?" Pietro asked, peering over his shoulder. He whistled low. "Wow. That's—that's gotta be, what, almost thirty years old? Something like that."

"That's you?" Lloyd managed to say, closing the locket and tucking it away. His voice was tight in his throat.

"Yeah. And my next door neighbors. Marie," he pointed to the younger girl. "And Anna." He pointed to the older girl. "We were pretty close friends."

Lloyd glanced up at him. Pietro's right hand was shaking, and his eyes had gone far away. _(He does that, sometimes. Pietro is, medically speaking, fully healthy, according to Raine and his nurse, but there are some things medicine can't cure. He hasn't come all the way back from whatever that orb he'd used to escape the ranch had done to him and Lloyd isn't sure he ever will)_ "…What happened to them?" he asked, needing to know. It was perfectly possible that there was another Anna Irving out in the world. But the odds of there having been one in Luin? Lloyd wasn't good at math, but even he could tell that those weren't good odds.

Pietro's eyes focused, just a little. "...she got taken. Anna did. By the Desians." He smiled grimly. "I was hoping to see her, when I got there. I should've known that people couldn't survive that long in that place though."

 _That's my mom_ , Lloyd wanted to say. _She made it out, she was happy, she was free._ But the words wouldn't come. For thirteen years, he'd known his mother as only a name on a tombstone outside his house. He'd imagined hundreds of conversations, had talked to her with Noishe at his side, his only link to her besides the Exsphere on his hand. He'd gone to her after bad days at school, or after nightmares, trying not to get his pajamas dirty when he went to her.

Kratos had told him of her. Had told him what happened and the knowledge had hurt. _(Lloyd doesn't want to think about how much it hurts Kratos daily, to have been the one to kill her. If there is one thing that Lloyd_ can _tell about Kratos, it is that he'd loved his mom very much)_

But Lloyd didn't know anything real about Anna. Had she been like him in school, unfocused and impatient? Had she been the opposite and liked to sit and curl up with a book? Had she been a night person like him? Had she been funny? What did her laugh sound like? Did she like chocolate or candy better? Strawberries or oranges? Did she freckle like Lloyd did if he was out in the sun for a long time? He tanned eventually, but there were plenty of freckles all over him. Was she good at remembering people's birthdays and anniversaries or was she always forgetting? Did she put the peanut butter and jelly on both slices of bread, or did she only put one on each slice?

So knowing that Pietro had known her made Lloyd hungry for any information on her.

"What was she like?"

The smile brightened a little, turned fond. "…she was one of the most stubborn people I've ever met. I'm from Hima originally, and the first day I went to school here, she was arguing with the teacher over some—thing about how if you could prove something existed or not, and it was a long debate. It was funny to see, 'cause she was tiny and the teacher was really tall, but that didn't stop her from trying to get in his face."

Lloyd laughed softly. Stubborn. People called him stubborn too.

"She had big dreams too, I remember that." Pietro wasn't looking at Lloyd anymore, was staring at the photo, at the fading smiles. "Wanted to get out of Luin, see the world. Palmacosta always sounded really cool to her, living on the ocean. She loved the water, loved swimming. Hell, she's the one that _taught_ me to swim."

"You and that Anna were inseparable." Grammy Tanya entered the room, carefully winding her way around the boxes. "Your grandfather and I had a bet going on whether you two were gonna get married."

That threw Lloyd off. It was hard for him to picture his mom loving anyone else. Hard to picture the woman in his locket with the Exsphere on her hand and the scar on her cheek in a quiet town like Luin. What would she have done? Would she have become a teacher? Or a store clerk?

"What was your bet?" Pietro asked curiously.

"I was betting against you two. You're a good man, Pietro," she patted his shoulder. "But that Anna wasn't gonna be happy in this town forever. A wanderin' soul, as my papa used to say." Grammy Tanya eyed Pietro. "You should lie down, boyo. You look pale. Go home. I'm sure the 'hero of the new world' can take care of the rest."

Pietro opened his mouth like he thought about protesting, but decided better of it.

"I'll drop by and say goodbye before I go home," Lloyd promised as Pietro left.

Grammy Tanya waited a few long moments before she said, "Some hurts don't go away. He loved that girl."

"You knew her too?"

"It's why everyone calls me Grammy, even though I've never had children. I have seen generations be born, grow and die. I make sure they're remembered after they're gone." Her eyes went to the photo. "Anna was in my house all the time, looking for stories about adventure. She was supposed to be doing her homework, but that girl never wanted to."

"Really?" Kratos had always seemed, to Lloyd, like he would have been good at school, would have been the type to get good grades and to understand the lessons easily. But to know that his mom—whether she was booksmart or not—didn't agree with school and always had her mind elsewhere, it was a way to connect to her that he'd never had.

Grammy Tanya's eyes were on him and they felt like x-rays. Lloyd cleared his throat. "Um, what about the other girl? Her sister?"

"Marie—she left too. Got married and left for Palmacosta. Better jobs out there, you know. She used to send letters. Haven't gotten any in a while. But maybe those earthquakes got bad out there. We haven't gotten much news."

Lloyd felt his heart thud. Marie—his aunt. He had had an aunt out there and never known. He might have even met her when they were in Palmacosta—had more than likely died when the Great Tree had gone on its rampage. There hadn't been time or warning to evacuate.

"It was pretty bad in Palmacosta," Lloyd told her honestly. "I—She might not have made it."

Grammy Tanya closed her eyes. "…I hoped it was something else." Her eyes opened again and she sat in the one armchair they'd managed to clear. "…Where do you come from, Lloyd Irving?"

He shrank a little under her gaze. "I'm from Iselia."

"You're a long way from home."

"Well, I'm going back after this. There's still rebuilding to do." Many of the buildings had been destroyed in the fire, as had many of Iselia's orchards. The orchards would take years to return to their former glory, but the homes could be rebuilt.

"The whole world needs rebuilding." She narrowed her eyes and Lloyd resisted the urge to fidget. "…I've seen dozens of children come in here. Seen them grow. Seen too many die. But people surprise me. You remind me of her. Of Anna."

It took two tries to get the words out. "She's my mom."

Grammy Tanya's face creased with a soft smile. "She made it out."

"Yeah."

"But boys don't get questions like yours when their mother is waiting for them."

"I—I never knew her."

"…That's a shame, boyo. I'm sorry. But you seem very much like her to me. You're kind enough to help us out, even when you don't have to. Must be some kind of brave, saving the world and whatnot."

Lloyd choked on a laugh at the look on her face, clapping a hand over his mouth. He tried to rub the smile away, but he was surprised when Grammy Tanya started laughing herself.

"You have her smile. I'm glad I got to see it again, even if it is on you."

Lloyd tripped over a thank you. _(He doesn't think that there are words for what she's done for him. A connection to his mother, something real. His mother had existed in this city, had laughed with friends and swam in this lake. Kratos is not the only one to remember her, and the idea is comforting. Lloyd doesn't know if Kratos can think of his mom without thinking of pain anymore. But others can. They can remember her fondly, can remember her as a bright star in their lives and Lloyd rather likes that idea)_

He hesitated in handing the photo back. He wanted to memorize it, wanted to hang on to this scrap of his mother's life like a drowning man to driftwood.

Grammy Tanya smiled again. "Keep it for awhile, if you like. Just bring it back next time you're in town. We can have tea."

"…I like the sound of that."


End file.
